Boy has this been a long time coming. Finally, claiming my word of the year-FEARLESS- half way through the year. Doesn’t seem very fearless does it? To tell you the truth, I knew very early on what my word had to be as I knew I needed something strong to keep me going through this first, difficult year in business. My first year without knowing where money was going to come from and when. I have been working full time for 20 years. 20 years…boy that makes me feel old, haha. I have always had this huge sense of responsibility and inner strength but as I looked at the year ahead I became terrified for the first time in my life. Afraid of not being there for my girls, my relationship falling apart and the store not succeeding. I felt I should be riding off into the proverbial sunset since I am getting to follow my dream. Instead, stress and worry set in and there it has sat, in my gut, festering for months. To the point where I haven’t been able to really enjoy what I am getting to do every day and completely taking it for granted I might add.
This seemed to really spill over into my work as I started my usual WOTY painting well before January 1, 2014 but here I am at my Beyoutiful Souls art retreat in March still trying to work on my Fearless mixed media piece…
and I worked on it for a bit, second guessed myself the whole time so I put it away again.
This last week has thankfully provided me with some clarity and the realization that nothing ever usually goes exactly according to plan and that is ok. My favourite thing to say to students while painting is “there are no mistakes only happy accidents”. I am now trying to apply this to life. So here it is, my fearless warrior, done. Finally.
I have realized that I may need to make some tweaks, detours and adjustments to the plan, but that is ok, as long as it keeps the dream alive, right?